Ok, I have put this one to bed ... finally I think ...
I'll not post code because I am not at liberty to do so .. however, I have resolved the issue of linking tables, updating multiple tables with commandbuilder and generally all of the things that were making my life miserable over the last several months. The resolution was so simple, that I can't believe I didn't think of it along time ago.
I'll go through the steps in case anyone else would like a simple method to link multiple tables 1-to-1 in access.
1) Build each table with the requisite autonumber fields and foreign key fields, either programmatically or manually in the database
2) Using a single SQL statement, retrieve the fields from your tables with a left join i.e.
SELECT Table1.Field1, Table1.Field2, Table2.* FROM(Table1) LEFT JOIN Table2 ON Table1.Field1=Table2.Table1Field2
3) display and/or edit the records as desired
4) Now you have columns in the format of Table1.Field1 etc ... Rename Table1.Field1 to Field1 and update the records in Table1
5) Rename Field1 (from the previous action) to Table1Field1 and rename Table2.Field1 to Field1 and update again ... this time to table2
As long as the records are 1-to-1 and you have the requisite columns it will be very easy... it took me 6 months to figure it out ... hopefully it won't be so difficult for everyone else now.