It is not that simple .... You can use something like this in VBA, VB, or C++ ..
What you would need to do is:
a) intercept the OnClick event of the toolbar button
b) use the API SendMessage to send the command to the button to make it show as depressed or not depending upon the current state
You would need to find the window being clicked, you can do it by using the EnumChildWindows API to grab the handle of the window you want to watch, then you would watch all of the messages being sent by the window to the program, then when a WM_CLICKED message is detected, use SendMessage to set the state of the button to a down state or up state.
This IS NOT something that you just decide to do ... particularly if you have no experience with API calls, VBA, or C++.